It’s never easy for a good woman to walk away, especially after she has invested so much of herself into making it work. Just know that by the time she finally decides to leave, she’s given you countless chances and debated the idea over and over in her head. She’s exhausted, frustrated and totally heartbroken to have to walk away to a man who deep down inside she still loves and is willing to fight for.
It’s hard for her to walk away. When a good woman leaves, it’s usually not because of another man but rather because you’ve changed and the man you’ve become, is no longer the same as the one she fell in love with.
Often she will leave the door slightly open for a short period because she’s hoping that you will come around but if it’ll take you too long, she’ll be gone forever. – MAS
The gentle sun-kissed at eight in the morning as the wind blows playing my messy hair, the humming tweets of the birds in every corner of the wooden balcony around the green lushes of big trees sighted as far, the strong aroma scent of coffee and the garlic butter toast on the table, people running down the street wearing their beautiful smiles, the fact that I got up of bed is already a blessing. It’s been the routine mostly everyday to check my newsfeed while I savor every sip of my coffee either on Facebook or Instagram and taking fire selfies will surely never go out of style. Some things just never change. I was kinda hoping to receive a message from him since it’s evening in his time but nothing. I logged back in to the dating site (AD) and randomly browsed seeing guys from different curves of the world looking for fun and those for serious commitment. You don’t say I have high expectations of meeting someone from the app but I want to give it a try as some couples do have their successful meet-cutes stories online. 2 hours had passed and I heard a beep from my phone. “Good Morning, How was your sleep?” I was excited knowing later on we we’re gonna do a video call. I found myself day dreaming and smiling a lot with my blush on (you know the kind when you’re giddy). I wanted to say I’m yours, just tell me when to start. Really? Okay, I’m exaggerating. But for 2 days he made me feel so good, like wow! My sister used to tell me that I should write down all the qualities my future husband must have, which I did. I’ve got plenty and I remember the top on the list was he should be God fearing. My eyes lit up when he asked about my religion and saw he’s happy upon hearing I’m a Catholic. “God did you just sent this man?” Because I’ll take him without a second thought. It’s funny he would always say if he’s making me scared because of his kids.
You are hard to find. I thought it was you once or twice, but you’re still hiding…somewhere.
Your eyes tell a story. I know inside of you is so deeply beautiful. I’m almost sure you don’t know that, and maybe don’t see it even in the mirror. If you let me, I’ll teach you what I see in you, tell you how great you are.
You might be serious, happy, smart, funny, shy, artistic, like staying home or partying all night. You might be jealous, bipolar, emo, and throw thing when you’re angry (and all of that is okay). I like all of those things because they’re part of you I might be lucky enough to see. But if I miss you and you’d like to talk, please just say “hi”.
If you’re too shy or don’t know what to say, just tell me :do you like a sunrise or sunset? Do you like the mountains or the ocean, or Netflix at home? Coffee, or wine maybe?
So if you think you’re ready, just say “hi” and we’ll take it from there.
No matter how old you are whether you’re 12 or 45, we are all at the same level when we have a crush or love and the tendency sometimes most of us don’t trust the process that’s when we start to chase, and you know exactly when you’re chasing. So instead of, be yourself , do your own thing and work hard. As Will Smith once said “The right people, the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you and stay”. I truly believe in that. But ofcourse when you’re young chasing it’s fun, chasing is some kind of adventure until one day you get tired and just let go of things the way it’s supposed to and maybe in everything there’s always an exception yet it’s very important knowing what makes you come alive and then go do that.
Yesterday I was browsing on Youtube kept scrolling down until I saw the homily of Father Fidel. I was curious so I opened it. I loved how he delivered the message, the way he talks, he’s fun and I felt the sincerity of his words.” To whatever blessing God has put your name on, it’s yours! So if it’s meant for you, it’s meant for you”. You don’t have really to work your ass hard to keep people in your life, whoever! Friends, romance, strangers, whoever! Because right people doesn’t want to be chased rather they want to stay. Yes, love is very exciting but just remember everyone inevitably disappoints you in some way or another.
Once you fall inlove there’s no turning back. It’s a one hell adventure. The sad truth? Sometimes the other heart fall out of love, no matter how we all wish to keep them for the rest of our lives. This isn’t some cliché sayings but it is what it is. Just like the moon we go through phases, but let’s complete the lunar cycle and return to our bright self again. After all we can all smile by habit not by choice. This isn’t some cliché sayings but it is what it is. They say when you meet your one true love then it will last forever. But I don’t believe in that. I don’t think there’s only one true love exist because in every relationship most often we started it with, PERFECT! He/she is the one! Until the day they’re not. Anyone you’re interested in or attracted to could be a potential, the challenging part is how to keep that fire burning and watch both of your feet dancing under the same beat. One morning you wake up, you maybe looking into different directions, starring at the blank wall while the intensity of the fire slowly cooling down and turning into ashes, moving your feet with different music, and yet holding each other hands tightly not to slip away. For me, that’s what true love is. It’s more than a feeling but a commitment to an imperfect people in an imperfect situation, seeking the highest good which often times requires sacrifice. Perfect people are easy to love. But none of us are perfect. Sooner or later we will disappoint each other but true love is a commitment towards imperfect people and still seeing the best of them. When we invest in something, lose everything good before even declaring a bankruptcy . We can let something slide 1,020 times but after that, we can forget about second chances. If you know what I mean. Remember there are two sides to every coin, if you fall inlove, fall inlove! Because in every lunar cycle the moon disappears for a while and it has a dark side too. We commonly hear “never change for someone to satisfy their fancy, I agree on that and I also agree that there’s a certain point in life when we have to change ourselves for the better “not for someone but because we know deep down we have some inner work to do. You and me could have some tangled mess of contradictory things, not to scare anyone but to properly love and not to worry about a thing because love is just very exciting and yet inevitably disappoints in some way or another.
One of my favourite to say, is “TRY IT”, that’s the first. To feed your curiosity about anything you’ve got to see it yourself instead of asking what if? what if? It’s not all the time you will be served of what you’ve asked for, let say someone invited for an overnight camping but you don’t feel like going cause it’s not comfortable to sleep with mosquitoes flying around or a nice washroom for vanity sane, so you reject them. I couldn’t travel alone, it’s scary! What if I get lost? or who will take pictures of me? No way! I don’t look good in orange, I’ll wear my favourite colour green. I’m not into hot chocolate, I’ll go for a coffee instead. I don’t like skydiving, I’m gonna die. And the list goes on. We seem to think that we know our self so well, that we know our preferences, what we like and we’re pretty quick to make up our minds about things that seems boring to us. If you always assume that you’re right and not even open to listen to others and change your mind, you will never grow. Because in order to grow you need to challenge your beliefs. You have to question them and you need others to question them as well. Whenever you’re having an argument with someone, look for reasons to be wrong. One of the quotes I like is from George Bernard Shaw “ Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything”. At certain point I was that girl and I still am sometimes, when I can’t really push myself, but none of these things I have or wouldn’t be in a place where I am now without the trying and slowly walking away from my comfort zone. Sure, failure is part of the scene but you’ll never know unless you “TRY IT”. You could either fall, get up and keep walking or stay in your comfort and never grow at all.
The 2nd “CHANGE YOUR SELF-COMPARISON MINDSET”. I mean I don’t think there’s someone who never compared/compares himself/herself to others. It’s the natural flow of our minds as human. It’s not always bad cause we have those that does good to us, however if it’s the kind that demotivates and makes us feel less then that’s a different story. A common situation is you went to a skin clinic and you feel so good and proud of yourself and then suddenly someone walks in already have a glowing skin and all of a sudden you don’t feel good about yourself anymore, but the truth is that person didn’t start of that way. She may even went to the clinic for years and spent too much to achieve the skin you’re getting envy now. You don’t know their whole story. You need to believe the small steps that you are taking and trust it’s value.
The 3rd is “YOUR PATH WILL CHANGE AND THAT’S OKAY”. Recently I had lots of changes in my life, aside from the current situation we’re all facing now, but then things may not always go the way we had planned no matter how much grip we put on it, change will still show up. I realized that in order to be okay with the change I have to learn to live with the uncertainty because that’s what really change creates. It creates uncertainty. I’m still working on it but living with it.
And the 4th is “YOU CAN”. When you don’t like a thing, change the way you think about it. Complaining can’t help. Because change won’t change to make you feel good, you need to make it happen yourself. No one gives a crap about you. Taking full responsibility over your life won’t happen overnight, you have to work on it and “YOU CAN’.
I am by no means an expert but these are some of the valuable ones I’ve come to take with me. What about yours?
𝙄𝙩 was late at night when I called my friends for a coffee or a beer outside but none of them were available except for Sham. He was with me on my low peak season. I was 24. We used to be colleagues and had our own relationships when we met. We’re good friends, no special attraction, we just jived along really well. I liked his wit about anything, what a smart-ass! He’s very opinionated and his sense of humor was just awesome.One day I woke up and found myself “𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙇𝙀”. It took months to move on from my first ever relationship. I’ve asked for signs and seen all in him so I thought he’s the one. And honestly I quit believing on each of them. Maybe the signs were not all made to support my fantasy. After the break up with my ex bf, Sham had been more consistent not the courting part cause we never had that I think but yeah he always sent me sweet and long comforting messages to make me feel okay, going out for dinner, coffee and talk endlessly about life, the happy and embarrassing moments, weird people, rude clients, how to train dogs as per Cesar Milan, know the alpha wolf from the rest of the pack, favourite series, how much he loves Nina Dobrev and Blake Lively and claiming Adam Levine my future husband next life, those silly stuffs. Nothing much of a heart talk. I enjoyed the terms and the status of officially dating each other, barely the closest I can describe right now. Monthsary wasn’t our big thing, can’t remember when exactly but it was closed to Christmas when he said he loves me and it all started there.
𝙁𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙.. It lasted for few years. The relationship was based more on friendship rather than the typical couple you’ll see walking down the street or cinemas, celebrating Valentine’s Day with the candle lights, or me getting a bouquet of flowers. Surprises? Nah! He’s the worst believe me. He did once on my birthday, he bought shoes but an inch longer than my foot size. Usually he’d ask me to get dress and pick me up to do shopping and buy what I want or just go wherever for a good lunch/dinner, movie and ride on his big bike, whatever. He’s pretty outgoing. Works for me too. He’s one of the sweetest person I’ve ever known. We did plenty of adventures on the road , we’ve grown and get matured together, he’s the first person I run to when I’m happy or excited or even when in trouble. And so as he. That’s what I appreciate the most about us, being a cast on every episode nevertheless in every scene.
A simple and quiet night twist the story. I don’t think he meant to ever hurt me but he had. I knew he was dating someone else months before. I can act angry and upset and yell and kick and scream but I didn’t instead I prepared myself and moved on, tried living a life I never had. That’s too early to be swept away but the appetizer was served and the main course has finally arrived. I managed to keep myself composed which made me sound like the most pathetic person you’ll ever know. The moment he spit out the truth I felt relieved and shattered. I was waiting for that very second but felt different when you’re actually hearing it. I was okay but disappointed. I was hurt but chose to accept it. I was too nice for that lie (or maybe I wasn’t). I loved him but it’s over. I can’t hate him because I knew how much he loved and cared for me (well before the cheating part). And I can’t give another chance because we deserved a good life separately. He was crying and I wasn’t, done weeks ago during my sleepless nights. I told him words that sure did melt and broke his heart in a nice way. We had a heart to heart talk and mutually released both ends of the string. We kept the show going to avoid the intriguing questions of our friends or anyone around us “why we broke up”. Until I left the country. That’s a trick to my graceful exit.
I’m a fan of happy ever after endings in every movie. I mean, who doesn’t? We may have different perceptions of happy endings and in most cases, it’s the love affair that catches two people completely off-guard and end up in wedding bells and colorful confetti. That’s obviously not my story. But I truly believe that if you’re not a good a fit then you won’t. Breakups are blessings too. Don’t let it defeat you instead rise stronger and be more resilient. It’s always a matter of choice, choose wisely. I’m happy with where I am now, how far I’ve come, whoever I am with. I just feel very blessed that God brought me here with the decisions I’ve made, which probably woudn’t happen if maybe I wasn’t being cheated on. So it’s not always a bad thing, sometimes it’s even more like a lucky charm. At least for me.-🍁🧿
How do you deal with 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙥𝙨? What works for you? I would love to hear about it!
Trust me it’s not easy as how comfortable I am while sitting and telling you now. #Realtalk? Well, it’s easier to judge people by the way they look, or how they talk and sometimes simply by watching their walks set an instant notion making patterns and associations even when they aren’t necessarily solid either in a good way or bad whatever might be. Could be a nod mutely at a friend’s tale of career, relationship, family woes and thought she was making a crazy choice? I mean who didn’t? I do! And it might be a place or a thing, maybe a food doesn’t matter. The thing is being judgemental is not a behaviour that serves us a golden plate. Let’s face it, we judge because we’re trying to fill in the gaps in our logic about the world around us. There’s more we DON’T know, than we DO know, so we try to “guess”. When we do, that’s making a judgement. I’ve heard million times not to judge people, and it’s funny how the same people judge other people harshly. I think that’s quite interesting telling someone you shouldn’t but I can.
Like a spur of the moment I just want to be a better soul. Slowly. Walking. Trying. Learning. Living.
So instead of being quick to say what I want to say, I breathe and pick my words before I open my mouth and say something. We don’t have a universal opinion on anything rather we go by what we thought of first, that’s the state of human nature to form impressions and opinions. “You treat others well and the Universe will reflect this treatment back onto you”. Getting the balance between open-mindedness and understanding nuance judgements is a life-long project. I am by far no expert myself, but I do enjoy a good positive exchange of judgement. Everybody has it’s own test in life and nobody‘s having a perfect straight line. I have some shares too and acknowledging it feels great. Replace criticisms with compassion. It makes me actually have a healthier relationship with myself and people around. I’m much better in understanding, listening or even giving an advice which makes someone find me could be trusted or someone to have a comfortable conversation with and I think that’s pretty amazing. “Everyone we know and everyone we meet has a secret struggle that no one knows about”.It’s not really about being perfectly perfect or being too nice but a little respect for each of us carrying our own baggage, be heavy or not.
𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙤𝙣 and we hear this quite often whether good or bad. But sometimes when it’s too bad and we’re too disappointed it doesn’t work as easy to accept the statement. But let me say it again, everything happens for a reason and when we say everything we cannot pick and choose which is which even if it will hurts us totally and break us apart. God may cause things to happen to get us closer to our destined path which brings us some thoughts lingering our heads and shaken up a bit of our faith and confidence, and that is fine. We’re human, we’re not perfect and we don’t need to be. And yet we also we can remind ourselves to stay positive, incidents happen because life happens but sometimes we’re too busy ignoring the uneasy and uncomfortable phase because we just want to focus on the best ones and forget that there are humps on the road before reaching our destination. When some adversity comes we wonder why this has happened to us. I used to ask myself that too, then I’ll start comparing my situation to others.
𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙄’𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙮. Life is a continuous learning and some lessons are really hard but no matter what , you’ve got to try your best to get the 100% result. The journey is a long drive and it may require you to make few stops, it’s full of challenges and adventures. And yet at the end of the day if we choose not to give up it defines us. I used to hear this from my mom when we were still young. We always dream a good life like the ones we see from other people, from the movies we watched, celebrities, successful businessmen but never get to thank the ones we have. Those people who live in the street sidewalks or lying down in the hospital bed are dreaming the kind of life we are complaining about. And that sucks, not knowing how blessed we are. How beautiful our life is. There’s so much to be grateful for and gratitude is the key. We should always be thankful not just for the exceeded expectation but simply because we’re here breathing in our own comforts. Don’t practice and master the flow of bitterness in your life cause sooner or later it will drag you down. And that’s not a good payback. No way!
Let’s give the appreciation to ourselves that regardless of the hardship we keep on striving and stand still for what it’s called life and living. That’s why you should love yourself more than anything for always giving you a good fight and winning it.
Most of us wants the convenience of transformation. We have goals we’re trying to achieve, but sometimes the person we are right now is not the person we need when we cross the bridge of our dreams. So we need to take a bit of a walk and pace ourselves on this path to success because we haven’t grown enough in ourselves.
While waiting for your time to take off, condition yourself 100 % for a good long run. I’m not just talking about physically but emotionally and spiritually, these are strong foundation to kick in. And still you will fall a lot, I mean a whole lot but never take a “NO” for an answer, and don’t be afraid of no’s. Because the reality of life is that we hear more no’s than yes’s. That’s the harsh truth. And it’s up to you if you will let yourself get affected for every single NO! See we want to grow but we want to stay liked by everyone just like how we share our statuses on facebook or instagram. The reason why a lot of us won’t become who we want is because we’re too attached to who we’ve been. We’re afraid of change, well I do! But I knew it wasn’t working for me any longer. I can live with my routinary stuffs everyday but that doesn’t serve my happiness anymore. I reached the point where I look at myself finding my purpose. I want to give my dream a chance. I want to experience the adventure on this road, whatever is up there. I don’t care. As long as I get there.
So today I challenge you to fight, to work, not to stop here, to believe so heavily in your aspirations that you will not fear the word “NO” but instead you will choose to welcome it with that good feeling. Because any of us can be amazing if we just grab life with both hands.
The world wants the best version of you, the world wants to see what are you capable of, so why are you hiding from the shadow of people you think better than you when you can show the world what you’ve got. I believe good things are available to all of us, we may not equally born with the best things in life but it’s there if we don’t give up, if we have the right attitude and mindset, if we work hard and say yes to chances. We can’t change how we started but we can always choose how we want it to end. Don’t embarrass yourself for giving it a room full of regrets.- One day when you look back.🍁